Part One: The Meeting
Ok ok. Once upon a time Thor visited the lovely state of Illinois.
He had a blast and saw some stuff. But that isn't what is important.
The important thing was the last night Thor spent in Illinois.
Because it was on that night that Jerimy suggested that they eat dinner at Cheddars.
In case anyone doesn't know....Cheddars is a restaurant that is expensive..but somewhat good.
Our waitress for that evening was Tina. What a lovely girl. Ok ok.
So I lie through my teeth. Tina was Skanky.
She had so much make-up on her face..that her make-up had make-up.
I kid you not. And she had this pony tail. My god...the pony tail.
It could wipe out a city block if she wipped it right. Yeah...so the pony tail was ratty and splitty.
She also had these H U G E eyebrows. These suckers were really big.
They were bushy as hell. So anyway...Tina was OUR waitress.
"Can I help you?" She coughed.
Her voice was so scratchy...that I was waiting for flem to hit me in the forehead.
We then ordered. She seemed to get more and more excited with each...side order.
I was getting scared.
"And For You?" She asked Thor.
This chick was weird.
Part Two: Side Order From Hell
She was a very slow girl. It took awhile for our food to arrive. So in the meantime
Thor and I sat around and basically talked about her. That pony tail!! That make-up.
Laugh Laugh Laugh. Things were really funny.
Then something horrible happened. It chokes me up to talk about it. Well, you know how some restaraunts will celebrate your B-Day with
a little cake and some singing? God. I've got to be strong.
Well, this restaraunt does too. And guess who was singing and clapping along.
You've guessed it right. Tina! My god. Her voice. And as she sang her pony tail flew side to side.
It was funny and yet....so painful. I was truly scared. Did I mention that 'Tina' Isn't her real name? Sorry.
Well, It isn't. We didn't dare ask her REAL name. But we had some ideas. Tina, Dawn, Janet and a few others that I can't remember.
Eventually, Our food arrived. That was nice. Well, most of our food arrived. Tina had managed to mess up our order and she forgot some stuff.
She did tell us to keep our hands off the hot plates. So she get brownie points there.
Things started to slow down after our food arrived. We ate fast. And talked a bit. And that dumb bitch never did find the owner of that Cookie Monster.
When it was time to go..our ticket ran to about $17.00. And when Tina came to collect the bill..I told her to "Keep the change." Wink Wink.
Ok. So I didn't really wink at her. But it sounded good.
We said our good bye's and Tina told us to have a nice night. That was sweeet.
But when we got to the car...we saw it! The bloody hook was hanging from the rearview mirror...Wait..wrong story. Sorry.
What I meant to say was that we went home and things were fine.
Part Three: My name is Dawn
Months and months went by and Thor decided to visit Illinois & Myself again! So he visited and everything and because it was tradition..we had our dinner at Cheddars.
We sat in the same area as last time and looked around and around and we couldn't find "Tina".
Finally I had an idea to ask our waitress if she knew of this girl...so i asked her.
I said. "Do you know of a waitress who always has her hair in a ponytail, she wears heavey makeup, has bushy eyebrows and has sort of a husky flemmed up voice."
She said...."Do you mean Dawn? She quit a couple weeks back."
I nearly died. And I thought that Thor was going to lose his cottage cheese:-)
So that is the story and you may not find it funny but I think that it is one of the best stories ever.
And I will tell it to my grandchildren even though I won't be having children.
It is a story that will go down in history. Dawn-Tina the scary-ass waitress at Cheddars